


An Emotional Eulogy

by Anelectrifyinglove



Category: The Flash (TV 2014), westallen
Genre: Emotional, F/M, Funeral, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicide Attempt, eulogy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 10:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4015522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anelectrifyinglove/pseuds/Anelectrifyinglove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry knew he would be the one to give the eulogy at Iris' funeral, he thought he could handle it. But after an emotional deliverance he starts to question how he will live without her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Emotional Eulogy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first completed WestAllen fan fiction and I'm excited about it. Feedback is greatly appreciated as I am always looking to improve. Thank you for reading :)!!

               

       Barry clears his throat and quickly wipes away a lone tear running down his cheek, he starts to speak but his voice is shaky. “I would like to start by saying Iris West was my best friend.” Barry glances down at his cue cards to avoid meeting the pained and tear glossed eyes of Joe. “She was...Iris really had a heart of gold.” Barry tried to focus his eyes on the words in front of him but he couldn’t, there are so many tears in his eyes that the world is a blurry mess. “Iris was the first person to truly believe in me, if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be the guy that I am today, for that I thank her.” Suddenly there came violent sobs from the front row of the church and without even looking up Barry knew they were from Joe, which made his heart break into tinier pieces, he wants to go give him a big hug and just cry with him. “Everyone truly liked Iris, she was the sun on a rainy and cloudy day, she always knew how to make you feel better, really cared about you, god she was so protective to the point where it was almost scary, but that’s my Iris, always so loving.” Barry’s mouth almost formed a smile as he thought back on the time Iris told off some bullies that were pestering him when they were kids, that moment brought upon a new fondness he had for her. “Iris had so many great qualities, she was so smart and insightful, which really came in handy with her career being a journalist, I really admire her work ethic, always seeking and searching for that story that would really push her over the edge into the big leagues, I know she would have found it, I just know it…” That last part Barry whispers to himself. The tears have cleared a bit from his eyes and he can finally look up from the podium he’s standing on, Joes sobs have quieted a bit but his eyes still shine with the glossy coat of tears, Barry maintains eye contact with him as he prepares for the next part of his eulogy. “Iris had an amazing support system, from great friends to readers of her blog, but most importantly she had an amazing father that loves her more than anything in this entire world and did everything in his power to protect her, Iris loved him with all of her heart.” Joes sobs erupt throughout the entire church, it felt as if the entire room was shaking with grief. Still maintaining eye contact with Joe, Barry smiles at him as if to give him comfort. “When I was a child, my mother was murdered and my father went to prison for the crime, so I had to go live with the girl that I had a crush on.” Barry pauses briefly contemplating if he should continue. “Iris West truly was the love of my life, she knew me better than I know myself, she always looked out for me and I know she loved me too, maybe not the way I loved her but I know she loved me.” Now there’s an outpouring of tears running down his face, his vision so blurred that he chooses to abandon the cue cards of words he prepared. “I’m a man of science and I know there’s nothing magical about how we feel about someone, but then I would see Iris flash that beautiful breathtaking eye squinting smile, man that can not be science.” The audience lightly laughs and it makes Barry feel a little more confidence to continue on. “Iris truly was magical, she was electric, one touch and she would shock your entire body full of endorphins making you feel like you could save the world, be a hero, at least that’s what it felt like for me, I loved being succumbed to her electric feel.” Barry glances down at Joe surprised to see the tears in his eyes have dried and there’s a smile on his face. “Every time I faltered it was the thought of Iris that kept me going, she was always there to hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay, but now in the most traumatic time in my life I don’t have her to reassure me or hold me in her arms while I cry my eyes out I—I miss her so much already.” Barry’s head bows and his voice cracks, he can’t hold it back anymore his entire face his drowning with his tears, his body is shaking hard almost vibrating, his hands are gripping hard on the podium trying to balance himself. Barry’s face is a dark shade of red and the veins in his forehead or straining, the tears are still flowing quickly out of his eyes glossing his entire face. “I…I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry Iris, I couldn’t save you, I wasn’t there to protect you, I’m so sorry.” Barry mumbles to himself completely forgetting about all the sad sympathetic eyes staring at him. Joe hastily rises from his seat to get Barry, when he reaches him he puts his calm steady arm around Barry’s waist holding him up and stands in front of the podium to say a brief “Thank you” before he takes Barry out of the room. Upon leaving the room Joe pulls him into a tight hug and Barry bursts into tears again. They just stand there like that for a while, Barry crying his eyes out and Joe with his arms wrapped around him stroking his back as to calm him down a bit. “I’m so sorry Joe, I’m so sorry, this is all my fault.” Barry’s voice is muffled in the crook of Joes neck and his tears have stained the older mans jacket but Joe doesn’t care, right now he’s more concerned about Barry’s wellbeing. “Shh no son its not your fault, there is no way you could have known she was in trouble do not blame yourself, you would have done everything in your power to save her if you could have.” Joes voice is soothingly calm as he moves his hand from stroking Barry’s back to his head, pulling him closer. “Joe—I loved her so much now she will never get to know, and I lied to her straight to her face for months about a huge part of my life.” The guilt has been gnawing at Barry eating him alive ever since Joe told him not to tell Iris about his powers or that he was The Flash, now with her death that guilt has only intensified immensely, and Barry really can’t handle it. With Joes arms wrapped around him, Barry felt a little more at ease and his body stopped shaking. “Barry, you know Iris loved you, it was obvious everyone could see the amount of love she had for you, she just wasn’t aware of the way she loved you, certainly not aware of the way that you loved her.”  At this Barry smiled genuinely and looked up, holding Joes gaze. “You really think she loved me the same way I loved her?” There was an overwhelming sense of excitement in Barry’s voice and his smile grew wider. Joe couldn’t help but return the smile, “I know she did.” They hugged one last time and then pulled away, the atmosphere feeling lighter than it was moments before, Barry thought that maybe just maybe he would be okay.

 

       The night after Iris’ funeral Barry couldn’t sleep, he kept going over the day of her death in his mind. He remembered when he received the heartbreaking call from Joe, he didn’t believe it. Joe told him the details of how she died, Iris was closing up Jitters when someone tried to rob her, things got out of hand, the man shot her and ran leaving her to die all alone. No, it couldn’t be true, his angel was not dead, He would go back home and Iris would be in the living room painting her nails or watching T.V asking, “How was your day Bar?” when he walked through the door. But that wasn’t the case, he came home that night to a cold empty unfamiliar feeling. He immediately broke down, fell to his knees, and screamed at the top of his lungs for what felt like hours, only stopping when he couldn’t hear his voice anymore, his hands in fists and knuckles clenched Barry wanted to hit something or hurt someone, thank god the man was caught or he would have went after the guy and lost it, maybe even have killed him. His body suddenly relaxed and he fell into a heap on the floor just lying there a crying mess. Joe came home that night and saw Barry still lying there on the floor, he panicked at first until he saw his chest move indicating that he was indeed still alive and breathing. Joe’s heart ached with sadness as he bent over to pick Barry up and carried him to his bedroom, something he hadn’t done since Barry was a kid. When Joe safely got Barry to his bedroom without tripping or dropping him he slowly and carefully set him down on the bed and pulled the covers up over him, turned the light off and softly kissed his forehead. “Goodnight kid,” Joe quietly whispered before leaving Barry’s room.

 

       Barry sat up in bed frustrated that he couldn’t shake those thoughts from his mind, he tried but they were haunting him. An overwhelming since of sadness quickly washed over Barry and he started crying again, this time soft quiet tears, he didn’t want to wake Joe up. “Iris, I miss you, I love you, I don’t breathe right without you, you were my life, how will I live without you?” Barry whispered to himself as he wondered seriously how he could live without her. Iris was the sole reason Barry made it through the tough times and wasn’t broken when his mother died and his father was taken to prison. “What am I supposed to do Iris?” Barry knew there was no way that she could respond to him but it gave him more comfort to say her name out loud as if he truly were speaking to her. “I could be with you Iris, we could be together.” This was the first time suicide crossed his mind since his mother died and he lost his dad to prison, and it honestly scared him. He wanted to be with Iris more than anything he’s ever wanted. Barry thought about overdosing, taking a ton of pills and be pulled away from this earth. He then thought about doing it in a more painful way, maybe slitting his wrist or even his throat. Barry then grew disappointed in himself, he couldn’t do that to Joe, make him lose two of his children all in the span of one week. But Iris, he loved Iris more, and his mind was set on being with her. “I have to do this Iris, I’m doing this for you, for us.” To minimize some of the pain that Joe would endure he decided to write him a note before he took his life, explaining his decision and hoping he would understand, although Barry knew that he wouldn’t. Barry got up to find paper and a pen then set to work writing his note. Barry hit the main points of “I’m sorry,” “I have to do this,” and “I love you Joe.” When he thought it was good enough he neatly folded the paper and wrote “to joe” on it, leaving it on his desk where he would find it. Barry sat in his desk chair and just reflected on the amazing life he has had with Iris, from their childhood where she was slightly taller than him and could easily take him down, to their high school years where she would disapprove of all his girlfriends especially one “Becky COOooper” as Iris said it, to the more recent adult years where they were both in careers they enjoyed and doing well in life, Barry smiled to himself and was content for the first time since the tragedy. But the moment was fleeting when he remembered that she was gone forever and he would never get to hold her again, or feel her fists as she would playfully punch his shoulder, or hear her sweet voice when she called him an “adorable nerd”, his smile disappeared and was replaced with a salty mouth as the tears started flowing again. “I can do this Iris.” Barry settled on the way he would take his life, hanging. It wasn’t the easiest but with his powers he thought that maybe it was the best choice. There was rope in the hallway closet that was used when him and Iris made a tire swing in their backyard when they were kids Iris was the first to test it out her curly hair blew In the wind and her smile made him feel something new, Barry quickly pushed the memory out of his head and retrieved the rope as quietly as he could as to not wake Joe, he made his way downstairs. In the kitchen Barry made a noose with the rope and positioned it above a chair in the dining room. Barry struggled a little because of his height but eventually he stood on the chair and pulled the noose on his head. “This is it Iris,” was the last thing Barry said before he kicked the chair away from him, his long limbs floundered in the air. After a short while Barry’s body stilled and he went unconscious.

 

“Barry, I need you to listen to me.” Barry looked up and he saw Iris, they were standing in the kitchen but Barry could see his body just hanging there. “Iris I did it, we can be together now.” Iris truly looked like an angel, she was draped in white silks that beautifully contrasted against her skin and her hair was natural like when they were kids. “Yes Barry but I only have a few minutes to talk to you, because of your speed you only went unconscious but that will only last for a few minutes until you really die.” She smiled warmly at him but her voice was urgent. “Iris I am so sorry I lied to you about being The Flash I just wanted to protect you, I was going to tell you, I don’t care if I die as long as I can be with you.” Barry walked towards her and reached out to stroke her face, she felt real. “Barry I love you, that is why I need you to listen to me, you are so special Barry and you can help a lot of people, you have to go back to reality, I will be with you in your heart always.” Iris cupped the sides of Barry’s face and pulled him down to kiss his forehead. “Please Barry, do this for me, I know it will be hard to live without me but I know you can do it I have always believed in you.” They were both crying and tightly wrapped up in each others arms. Barry pulled back a bit and longingly looked into Iris’ eyes, “Do you promise that you love me, Iris?” Iris smiled up at Barry and put her hand on his heart. “Bar, I have always loved you, now I need you to go.” Barry and Iris embraced one last time before Barry softly kissed Iris, it was just a brushing of the lips but it was enough to make them both feel a spark, there it was that electric feel.

Barry opened his eyes and he was on the floor being cradled by Joe, he then noticed the searing pain of his throat where the noose had been, and the shouting coming from Joe. “BARRY, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO, BARRY DON’T DO THIS TO ME I CAN’T LOSE YOU TOO.” The shouting stopped when Joe saw that Barry had opened his eyes and was conscious. “H-hi.” Barry croaked, his voice was still recovering from the pain the noose had caused. Joe had tears in his eyes and just held Barry closer. “Don’t ever do that again, or you will seriously give me a heart attack.” Barry moved to sit behind the couch and Joe followed suit. “I’m sorry Joe.” They both sat side by side in close proximity their backs leaning against the couch. “I’m just glad you are alive.” Joe put his arm around Barry and gave his shoulder a little squeeze trying not to hurt him. “I have to live, not just for myself or you but for Iris, I have to do it for Iris.” Barry smiled and lightly touched his lips remembering the kiss they shared, she was there in his heart, and now Barry knows that she loves him too, her love is what keeps him going. “As long as I remember Iris, I will be alright.”


End file.
